Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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