Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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