dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
