Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
