dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
