im six kinds of drunk right now
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize