You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
