Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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