her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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