and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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