Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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