tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
did you just send me my own nude
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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