What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
