I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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