if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
