She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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