Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
