I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
