i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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