In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
