He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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