i was born a porn star she said
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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