she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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