First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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