Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
