Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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