i need an iv and a liver transplant
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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