I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
