If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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