is your mom at the bar?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
are you so shy because you have an std?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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