I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
