yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
