I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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