Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
