Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
