omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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