Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
