I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
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I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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