She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
