Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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