I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
