I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
