If that was your dad, he is hot
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
