He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
