Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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