I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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