Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
