i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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