she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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