Can i not drive my cunt home
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're like the curious george of whores
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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