By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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