it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
