he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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