im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
