Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
