if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
