He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
