this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
