8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
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thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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