my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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