She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
