apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
where am i from again
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
