I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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